Today, I had the most important mission of anyone in the Assembly of Enchanted Wonder and Whimsy (My awesome name for us thieves), I had to steal a princess. Of course they would send the most beautiful one to steal a princess. First my little bro and I had to entertain a crowd in the millions with swordplay and buffoonery. With some well planned folly and urination we managed to thoroughly entertain the crowd. This allowed dashing me and my more homely brother to sneak ourselves into the castle. First I had to cleverly convince the guard that we needed to be in there, I told him “We have entertaining to do in there!” and he told me that he liked my hat, mission accomplished. In the castle Sam and I had to split up, I sent him to the princesses room, because I knew she wouldn’t be in there, and I thought the two of us would be suspicious together (plus, he would have hindered my chances of playing hide the hobbit with the princess ;)). So, knowing that the princesses favorite play is currently on, I find my way to the balcony where I find the lady trying to escape with linens (No one escapes with linens on my watch!). I approach the princess, and using a very precise amount of winking and dashing, I convince her to come with me so she could meet the cast. Before sneaking out of the castle, my brother meets up with us with the princesses unmentionables (PANTIES!) on his head. Using some more winking I manage to convince the lady that those aren’t hers. On the way out I distracted a guard using more winking and some puffery, while my brother sneaked the princess away to the stage. Before she ever got the chance to meet the cast, the princess fell on stage and started quite the commotion. Luckily, me being the well spoken man that I am, ad-libbed a few lines, knocked some guards out, buffed everyone for a surely coming encounter, and walked off stage with the princess. After that, not much more involving me happened, I pulled some flaming arrows out of our ship, also I saved my brother’s life after he had a stroke, using only my BRAIN!
AHEM Some people don’t appreciate what I have done for The Assembly of Enchanted Wonder and Whimsy. I must point out that my brother and I were the only ones ever in real danger. We had to entertain an audience BY OURSELVES. Then we had to sneak past the ENTIRE audience and guards into a castle, a castle full of guards and weaponry. Then we had to find the princess, and kidnap her. Then we had to sneak the princess out of the castle and to backstage. Now an unspeakable force MADE us go into the rafters. I can’t really explain it. When she fell from the rafters, I protected all of us and pushed the guards away and knocked them down. While we were doing all of this most of you were performing a play with written lines!!! Be grateful for our success!